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Membru tal-Bord Malti tal-Junior Eurovision #1: "Għandna problema!"
Membru tal-Bord Malti tal-Junior Eurovision #2: "X' ġara issa?"
MBMJE #1: "It-tfal ..."
MBMJE #2: "X'inqalgħalhom?"
MBMJE #1: "Ma jafux ikantaw."
MBMJE #2: "Allura ...?"
MBMJE #1: "Din suppost mhux kompetizzjoni tal-kant ...?"
MBMJE #2: "Eh ija ... vera."
...
MBMJE #2: "Ma nafx ostja."

... xi ħin wara nofsinhar ...

MBMJE #1: "Ġietni ideja brillanti."
MBMJE #2: "Għidli."
MBMJE #1: "Peress li t-tfal ma jafux ikantaw live, nistgħu nitfgħu CD bil-mużika tagħhom għaddej live ..."
MBMJE #2: "... eh ..."
MBMJE #1: "... waqt li t-tfal jaqbżu u jiftħu ħalqhom fuq il-palk ..."
MBMJE #2: "... kompli ..."
MBMJE #1: "... biex jgħatu l-impressjoni li qed ikantaw ..."
MBMJE #2: "... eh..."
MBMJE #1: "... meta fil-fatt ma JKUNUX qed ikantaw!"
MBMJE #2: "U hekk niffrankaw il-flus ukoll! Kull ma rridu nagħmlu hu li nsibu lil xi ħadd biex ibiddel is-CD u jagħfas play."
MBMJE #1: "Eżatt!"
MBMJE #2: "Il-Alla! Int ġenju!"

Festival tal-Kanzunetta ghall-Junior Eurovision 2007 (stennew sa 0:48):



Miġjub lillkom mill-Malta Council of Culture and Arts (is-salvagwardja tal-kultura u arti f' Malta ).

Mill-fondi tiegħek.

Cooking with Ħażen

Ftit hawn nies li kapaċi jieħdu ritratt tagħhom lebsin ta' 'hot dog', fil-waqt li qed jiġu miksija ketchup minn żewġt irġiel b'wiċċ ta' ħanżir, u jkollhom il-kuraġġ jerġgħu jidhru fil-pubbliku.

Wieħed minn dawn in-nies jismu Peter Dacoutros u m'hemmx xi ngħidu, Peter huwa bniedem kuraġġuż ħafna.

Hawn għalikom, għeżież qarrejja ta' ħazin.info, tlett paġni mill-kotba tat-tisjir ta' dan il-fenomenu:

1. Il-qoxra tal-ktieb tiegħu, 'Cooking with Peter'. Il-qmis, il-kandelabru, id-daħka, iż-żokra kważi tidher. X'ma jaqbdekx il-ġuħ.

2. Dan huwa wieħed mis-serje ta' ritratti 'photoshopped' li sibna. Diffiċli tgħid x'għandu x'jaqsam ma' ktieb tar-riċetti imma xorta jibqa' ritratt ta' klassi kbira ...

3. U fl-aħħar, il-'masterpiece'. Ha nħallukom tgawdu dan ir-ritratt mingħajr wisq kummenti. Grazzi Peter.

Production Passion Entertainment

What we have here is the first episode of the series Il-Barbuljati ta' Ċensu. This masterpiece is the work of Production Passion Entertainment. We are not making this up, they are actually called Production Passion Entertainment.

Now keep in mind that the first episode of a series is often regarded as the most important of the lot by the makers and producers of the show. The first one is usually the "make-or-break" episode in so far as audience following for the whole series is concerned. If people get hooked on to the story by the first episode, then you've probably gained an audience for the whole season (Lost spent a whopping one million dollars on just the first episode). So, what are Production Passion Entertainment offering us here?

We start off with the opening credits - long shots of what look like random passersby (which, as we later find out to our great misfortune, are the main protagonists of the story) walking down desolate streets. This is all accompanied by a horrible, cheap, MIDI version of Queen's Seaside Rendezvous. If you do make it past the opening credits, you'll be subjected to what is probably the most uneventful and unfunny seven minutes in the history of comedy, starring an Addams family of sorts comprised of an obese kid, a loud and obnoxious mother, and a fat caveman who dresses up like a three-year old child. Yes, it is as horrible as it sounds. This is truly painful to watch.

We challenge anyone to find one second of comedy in this piece of crap.



P.S. We have yet to see uglier bedrooms than the ones witnessed above.

Chasing Pandora (and partners)

From the multi-award winning ace journalists at http://www.di-ve.com/:

Chasing Pandora - Two
(with a fitting commentary by our writers at ħażin.info, in subtle red)

After a year of change, infused with intense creativity (we are assuming the bulk of this creativity was dedicated to the writing of this article) Chasing Pandora are back!

Melissa (Portelli) more beautiful than ever, radiant, exuding the happiness that her daughter Asia Rain (that makes her Asia Rain Portelli) brings her, able to juggle her role as devoted mother and singer song-writer with total ease, and Keith, well just Keith a sensitive, musical genius (other musicians generally referred to as 'genius': Jimi Hendrix, John Coltrane, Beethoven), who has played no less than 7 different instruments (we have substantial reason to believe one of these instruments is Keith's ukulele ...) on these new tracks, again being joined by Eric Wadge on bass and Ismael Azzopardi on keyboards.

On first listen to their new EP ‘Two’ you would be forgiven for double checking the artist, they have developed and grown musically so much!

Melissa’s voice is like an angel, crystal clear, her lyrics so uplifting and filled with light, you can literally hear her stepping from the darkness of the world that prompted her to write such poignant songs as ‘Bleed’ and ‘Feel the Rain’ into the happiness she has now found which pulses through ‘No-one Else’ one of the songs on their new EP ‘Two’. (We were dumbstruck by this sentence. We think the author means Melissa has a pretty good voice and that she concluded "feel good" songs sell more throughout the summer season. But we're not completely sure.)

‘Memories’ sees Keith joining Melissa vocally with this beautiful duet, and again you might be surprised at the quality and depth of Keith’s voice in this tale of misunderstandings in love and a chance to make it happen … (make what happen? misunderstandings in love? because we believe that might actually make quite a good subject for a song ...) Their two voices melting together in harmony.

‘Only Yesterday’ - Global warming, racism, a lack of tolerance and kindness towards each other. “Yesterday we wanted to change the world, but what are we doing today?” What will have become of our world tomorrow.

The last song, ‘Me and You’ is the ultimate summer song. Mel with her partner and Keith with his ukulele (you are in our prayers Keith: musical geniuses all deserve partners slightly more flattering than ukuleles), sitting by the water’s edge strumming, kids laughing, sand between your toes, an ice cold drink in your hand. Do you get the picture? You will be humming this song in your sleep, in the shower, in the car, in the ... (where? where?! All this suspense is killing us. No it isn't. But the pretentiousness of this article has its hand at our throat.)

So you thought you knew what Chasing Pandora were about, well perhaps you’ll have to start all over again !

So let’s start over... (A great ending to a great piece of writing. Thank you, di-ve.)



Melissa Portelli. Keith & Ukulele exchanging loving glances in the background.

Death to the Mongrel! Viva l-Ħażen!

Yes, that's right. The Maltese Mongrel is no more. We have moved to www.hazin.info, hence the new name.

We also have some new writers in our midst. Some will be writing in English, others will be writing in Maltese, making this a bilingual website from now on.

We have some other changes in store for you, but more about this later on. For now, please give a warm welcome to ... ĦAŻIN.info.

God sings through La Barokka

From http://www.labarokka.com/:

LA BAROKKA'S DREAM CAME TRUE IN ATLANTA GEORGIA CONCERT

Dearest Friends,

Oh God, as am typing on this computer in Sheraton Atlanta Georgia, I can't stop thanking GOD.....

Saturday evening, A HUGE DREAM came true, as I sung in the most beautiful spirit, with love and so much Faith here in Atlanta Georgia.....The Concert was like a scene from a Film...

The Hall was packed with people from all over the States of America and UK, and in the room was one of the top Celebrities in Hollywood, Coach Ken Carter....sitting down sipping his drink, so ready to hear me singing.....In the hall as well, the great motivational speaker of all time John Di Lemme, and also his parents from Florida....Dan Giordano...Scott Schilllin, Orrin Hudson who will also be the inspiration of a new movie in Hollywood.....so many many great names...

After each and every song, the audience cheered, clapped with emotion.....and when my song YOU was on, where I featured a Hip Hop artist from Philadelphia called Rawmall, the audience stood up dancing...and Coach Ken Carter started dancing and cheering...Can you imagine, the great Coach Ken Carter dancing to my song??

I ended the concert by singing a cappella TIME TO SAY GOODBYE, and when I hit the high note at the end, I could not stop....something went in me...great spirit of love from God I believe.....and like a dream, the audience gave me a great standing ovation that brought me into tears....

So.... here it is.... that is what happened, another BIG DREAM that come true, on March 29th, 2008 at the MAIN EVENT of John Di Lemme, Atlanta Georgia.....I wrote this down on my DREAM WALL, as this came true...

When i ended the concert, I have explained, that the voice is not ME, but God singing through me!

Friends, as I am here, am typing with my hands trembling with JOY... as I can't ever stop thanking GOD how GOOD HE IS.....

Yesterday I sung a few gospel pieces, to pray with the crowd in Atlanta, and it was such a blessing..

You who is reading this, is not a coincidence.....You have a dream in your heart, and you know that you can do it if you WORK HARD. So go for it, and make sure that it's not YOU SAYING NO TO YOURSELF. God Bless you.

When in Malta, you will hear from me....I am determined to shatter MALTA WITH MY VOICE, AND I WILL SCREAM IF I HAVE TO...AS MANY DEAD MINDS NEED TO BE AWAKENED....AND THOSE WHO WANT TO BE DEAD, LET THEM BE. AMEN!

Love you all,

LA BAROKKA.

This piece inspires us to write a lengthy commentary on La Barokka.

We could ask ourselves which came first: La Barokka's road to religious fanaticism or her meeting with this Christian group from the good ol' US of A.

We could comment on her deluded and troubled mind ... I mean ... God singing through your body?? The Big Guy himself choosing YOU to sing??? La Barokka, have you heard yourself sing?? Do you understand the meaning of the word humility?

We could also comment on some of the religious tripe that comes out of Hollywood, even though that would be outside the scope of this website.

We could write volumes on the above and more ... but quite frankly, we cannot be bothered!

So we will leave the comments up to our readers ... the ones with the "dead minds" as La Barokka so kindly put it.

Vodka

Everyone knows that di-ve.com is no Guardian when it comes to blogs. But reading through Morena's blog one gets the impression that it has been written by some over-enthusiastic, annoying kid. Here is an excerpt:

To say it in a nutshell - I had a ball ! It would have been simply perfect had it been a little more sunny (but I got the sun from the smiling faces around me, so that was okay!), and if I had taken a jacket that was a little bit ticker than the one I packed - but douze points for the Ukranian experience!

... and another:

But, you may be wondering WHY I went upsailing with professional upsailers in the first place, right? Ok! I will let the cat out of the bag! I was training for the up and coming video shoot next week!

My seven-year old kid is getting pretty good at English compositions. Maybe I should pass on his CV to di-ve.com ...